I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
