im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
