just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize