nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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