did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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