I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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