I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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