Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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