On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How does one acquire holy water?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
