so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
