God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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