Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
