you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize