So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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