At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
