just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
