i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
