I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
