The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
