He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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