When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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