can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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