The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
