margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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