I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
