Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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