in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
