it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
