why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
