The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
