I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
