Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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