Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
