how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
