Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
