We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
