So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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