I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
