Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
