I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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