The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
