I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
