I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
