Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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