she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
