literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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