conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You were trust falling into bushes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
