i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
