why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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