So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
