Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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