shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
