So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
