I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs