I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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