I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I intend to get homeless drunk
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Damn victory sex feels great
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
