Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."