i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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