3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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