My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
