When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
