Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
