you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
