Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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