can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
