I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
