As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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