My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
