just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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