If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
